I used to come home and cry after high school. I felt so completely alone. So empty. I had no friends, no girlfriend and I just wanted to be loved.
I recently got a message from a high school student named Isaiah who feels like he’s going through something similar. He’s from an abusive family who doesn’t support his love of acting and singing.
I beg that any of you who have advice to give please do so for his sake and for those who find this blog but don’t reach out. If we can’t help fellow INFPs then what’s the point of being an INFP in the first place?!
Hey. I have been suffering from extreme loneliness and feelings of separation. So I tried to find others like me. But I can’t seem to to it. As I read about an INFp it seems that I am a paragon of the concept. But no one around me does. People won’t talk to me and tend to scoff at my thoughts. I need advice. I want a girlfriend. I want a best friend. But these wants confuse people because I hate large groups of people. I need help. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
Here’s my reply:
The truth is that it’s hard for all INFPs. And all introverts in general. But probably moreso for us because we’re kind of “weird.” We have a dream world and we try to bring it into reality and it doesn’t sit well with others. Because in our minds there are no boundaries whereas reality is full of them.
What’s worse is that you and I are men! The majority of INFPs are women! Which is theoretically awesome if you were able to find one of them to fall in love with. But INFPs are a minority and it takes time to find people who understand you.
Try not to look too far into the future. We have a really cool ability to see things the way they should be and to project far into the future, but that can sometimes leave us feeling alienated. Bring it back to the here and now.
In general, I recommend praying. It helps you feel like you’re not alone. I completely understand your need to have someone in your life. We need other people! If not, solitary confinement wouldn’t be a punishment! Praying helps. Just close your eyes and say “god, please give me clarity. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and I feel completely alone. Please show me what I should be doing and give me the strength to do it.” That’s pretty easy, right? Then throw in a “I’m so thankful for x, y and z.” Force yourself to find something good in your life.
I also recommend finding a higher purpose. Start simple. Volunteer your time at a food bank, animal shelter or something that interests you.
Try to find artists, musicians and the like. Not that it’s easy to just go out and meet people, but these are the people most likely to understand us in some form. If you’re not into art or music, try to get into one of them. Take a class. It’s a very good way of expressing those strange thoughts.
Lastly, learn to communicate with people – all of them. There are levels of comfort that most people achieve with time. I can’t walk up to a woman and tell her I love her. I have to try to tell her something interesting first. Something that isn’t bizarre. She has to be comfortable with me. She has to trust me. The strange things in my head tell her there may be something wrong with me and she can’t trust me. Not that you have to hold this stuff in forever. Just don’t let it out immediately. And try to use art to express it, rather than everyday communication. Believe me, I know this is a tall order. I still can’t figure out how to do all of this stuff. But I know where I need to be.
To recap, in order of priority:
1) pray, every day, no matter what, even if you’re an atheist
3) express yourself through art
4) everything else I’ve rambled on about
I hope this wasn’t too long but it’s usually hard for me to keep replying, so I wanted to give you everything at once (which can he overwhelming so I apologize).
Just don’t give up. Keep trying. Keep fighting. Keep looking.
Please leave a comment with your advice. Think I’m way off? Right on point? Let Isaiah know!
Are you a teen feeling the same way? Get in here and speak up! I worry about you kids!