Ideally I’d be Perfect

My plan includes the following:

    • Win a billion dollars
    • Quit my job and travel for the rest of my life
    • Never make mistakes
    • Eat what I want and not gain weight
    • Have my house clean itself, laundry wash itself and car clean itself
    • Be a rockstar and sell platinum records
    • Live happily ever after

My real plan is to show you what ideal and perfectionism is. To show you what unrealistic looks like. We INFPs tend to romanticize everything. We tend to say what we want and claim it’s what we need. We keep it to ourselves so that no one harms our dreams. Then we start to believe that making those dreams happen is actually possible.

One day we decide to take steps toward our dreams. We start buying lottery tickets or start a band. And years later, after we’ve invested tons of money and time, we feel disenchanted because we still aren’t rich, famous or anything we planned to be.

What I want all of us to realize, especially those of us who are young, is that ideal is usually unrealistic and even impossible. The pursuit of the impossible will drive us crazy and lead to serious disappointment and depression. We’ll feel as though we belong on another planet.

So instead of seeking the impossible, start bouncing your ideas against someone who lives in reality and start getting an idea of what you actually CAN do. Don’t let your dreams die, but let them mature into realistic ideas. By chasing realistic dreams, you’ll actually accomplish them. And when you do, you’ll be an INFP who loves life instead of one who complains that you never get anything you want.

6 thoughts on “Ideally I’d be Perfect”

  1. Excellent advice!
    I grew up longing to be a knight… yearning for the brotherhood, the quests, dragons.. ALL of it.
    I remember the point in my life (during church, actually… had nothing to do with the sermon at the time, though ;)) where I suddenly realized that I could be an actual knight RIGHT where I was! I may not have had Faria as a mentor (like the Count of Monte Cristo), or brothers from the Round Table or the four musketeers… so, ok, I couldn’t wield a sword like Inigo Montoya, or and I didn’t have a dragon in actuality (any one else that had a dragon as an imaginary friend? Would seriously like to know!)
    Ahem* sorry.
    What I DID have though… was an imperfect world full of troubled people. Maybe I was just a kid, and maybe it wasn’t as dramatic as I would have cared for, but wasn’t the very heart of knighthood about integrity, compassion, and honour?
    Is that needed EVERYwhere around us today?
    That moment changed my life- It got my head out of frustrated imagination, to finding ways I could bring the world I was BORN for into reality.
    TOTALLY agree with this post!
    Maybe everything doesn’t happen exactly in the WAY that we want it.. but we’re INFPs for crying out loud! Our world thrives on randomness and adventure… and if you have to dictate it all, where is the discovery in that?
    See it as a game- how you can bring the HEART of your desires into a tangible reality. It is MORE than possible!
    Ok, maybe not the dragons… still yearning for that. 😉

  2. I kind of disagree with this. I don’t think a job can be “perfect” all of the time, as in the most fun thing you want to do at that moment. But I would be slow to discount someone’s dreams as unrealistic. Why give yourself limits?

    I know plenty of people who have found the job of their dreams and are super happy with it. Many of these people are missionaries or in service oriented jobs. Yes, they are frustrated and tired at times but they all say they could not see themeless being happy doing anything else.

    Also, its not always about the money, but doing what you feel passionate about even if it does not make much.

    • Love you post, Keshia!
      I think he’s just warning against extremes, though.
      I agree.. you have to decide what it is that you really want first and foremost- decide money as important, or not.
      For me, money can’t be the deciding factor, if I don’t leap out of bed, something is definitely wrong… and I just can’t live like that!

  3. Hi, I recently found out that I am an INFP as well, and to be honest, it is driving me crazy. I just turned 22, haven’t finished a year of college yet, haven’t found a major, went to a trade school to be a CNA, which I think was a mistake, I”m steadily gaining weight and I am not a millionaire, dancer, artist, socialite or model. All my mistakes with people replay in my mind, which makes me afraid to do… ANYTHING. Any suggestions?

    • Hi Iyona!
      Thanks for visiting. I have lots of suggestions, but I don’t have time to write them all. You should subscribe to my blog so that you get them as I write them 😉

      I have a suspicion that INFPs won’t be happy with ANY career. It is only once we mature that we learn that not everything can be as wonderful as the world we’ve created in our heads. Stop thinking forward too much. Living in the future or in your constant fantasy will make you go insane as you compare reality with what was “supposed to be.”

      Despite being convinced that our dreams are the most important things we can have and that we can achieve anything, it might not be in our cards. It’s ok to let some dreams fade and live in the present.

      If anxiety is paralyzing you, see a therapist. It may be very helpful. Not doing anything is far worse than not achieving your dreams.

      And as for gaining weight, this is common as you start working. Now you need to sign up for a gym. A trainer is expensive, but I have one because he’s the only reason I go to the gym.

    • Lyona Tarleton,
      I see that you wrote this post back in 2011.
      I hope that you were able to move past all past mistakes and discover an occupation that you were interested in!
      If you are, perchance, still seeking advice, here would be my take on the matter:

      First, Hang in there! We all may be INFPs, but everyone is different.

      My life is pretty unconventional according to any type’s standards. For some, it would certainly not be measured as a success: I live at home with my family (parents and my youngest sibling,) I do not have any romantic relationships, I do not make very much money, and pretty much 85% all goes straight back into my family (the remaining 10% would be tithe, the other 5% would be gifts for birthdays/Christmas, or random items for myself). I do not have a degree, I am also overweight… and I do not have a dragon. (yes, I am OBSESSED!)

      I am telling you all of this as a sort of disclaimer, because this sort of life might seem like an absolute nightmare for some.
      So, here is the reasons why I wouldn’t trade my life for ANYone else’s (except.. well, staying on TOPIC!- right!):

      Home: I LOVE where I live. I am able to live in a remote and rural area (you know everyone by name here, as well as their parents and grandparents), and am surrounded by people whom I care about deeply.
      (I could go on and on about my family- or anything, really- but I am attempting to stay on topic. Let’s just say, they are AWESOME!)

      Relationships: I have a few friends- ones that I would entrust my heart and soul with, but that has been fully intentional.
      As for romantic relationships? I believe in all or nothing. As I have never been actually attracted to a real live person (David Bowie as the Goblin King does NOT count), I avoid these sort of relationships in the least offensive ways that I can. Being overly helpful and friendly works for the sane ones, introducing the closest females to persistent ones, and then using an odd combination of LOUDLY and enthusiastically confronting the insane with HEY! HOW’S IT GOING! before disappearing into the crowd seems to be the most civil approach thus far. (Far better than resorting to snarls, physical violence or threats- I hate it! And if they are truly insane or touched, some get some sort of thrill out of knowing they can freak you out).

      Money: I am able to help my family out and STILL have room to put gas in my motorcycle, pay for my college courses, take trips overseas, and buy some pretty awesome gifts I MUST say! I don’t take a job for the money-EVER. I… just wouldn’t feel good about myself, otherwise. That said, I have taken random jobs in the past because of a phone call (I live in a VERY small town- probably the ONLY place where employers call YOU to please apply for their job opening).

      So, since this is a forum about careers, let’s get to the magic!
      I. Love. My. JobS! Yes, it is VERY possible.
      The catch is, I have multiple part-time jobs- and they are not best for the money.
      But, I love my jobs.
      Job #1: May-Halloweeen, Family business (8th year!!!). My family and I own a coffee shoppe/bakery called “Heart O’ the Shire”. We own the land, (named The Shire) and have a long-tern vision that enlarges our shop to a sit-down used-bookstore restaurant. There are MANY more dreams on top of that (dance studio, art gallery, Viking Hall- but that is a long way yet. The point is, I get to actively and corporately DREAM!).
      I LOVE the people I work with- and we all work extremely well with one another (ISFJ, ESFJ, ENFP, and me). The work itself lasts from 6am until 3 or 4PM, depending on the length of dancing- I mean cleaning afterwards. 😉 The hours are PERFECT to use the remainder of time napping, motorcycling, hiking with Pimsleur language tracks on my cell, studying, and jamming in preparation for our annual concerts (DRUMS are perfect for an introvert- you get to hit things, still make AWESOME music, be a part of the band, AND you get to sit further back- with some amazing drums between you and the audience). My brother (the ENFP) is an INCREDIBLE musician- writes, sings with a full Freddy Mercury range, plays drums, guitar, piano and bass, and LOVES to fully interact with large audiences from the stage. LOVE it!

      Job#2: Year-round, Volunteer Firefighter/EMT-1 (4 years and counting!). Firefighting is AWESOME! It is physically demanding, exhilarating, and you are able to actively help or perhaps save those around you. EMT work is definitely NOT my natural bent- I second-guess myself a lot, and making decisions which may cause someone to take a sudden turn for the worst or the better goes against my avoidance of major responsibility.
      However, there is a HUGE need for EMTs where we live, and the calls for medical are far more numerous than fire calls. I meant to stay in FF, but a member managed to get me to join in with the EMTs as well. It is tough, but I have grown SO much, and been able to help a lot more people than if I had remained solely in FF. Great points? It’s volunteer! Even though we get a stipend for responding, we are still technically volunteers, so I can decide whether or not I can make it to a call. And, (INFPS you will LOVE this job) I am able to see IMMEDIATE differences in my community, and in the person directly in front of me. There is NO way that you can just see this as a job- you are holding life in your hands- (So go out there, and save a life!)

      Job#3 Year round, House Sitting/Pet Care (Since I was 7 years old). This job is not one that you take for the money. It depends on demand. If you do a great job, word of mouth is your best ally. Through this job, I get to live in other homes/apartments, which helps me re-evaluate schedules and plans each time I ‘move.’ I LOVE animals = perfect! I get a change of scene and space, I have legitimate excuses to get outside and take dogs for lengthy walks. Another perk: an awesome back-up plan whenever I end up going to a party, or visiting. I shamelessly use people’s pets as an excuse to leave when I need to- it HELPS!

      Job #4: Afternoons in late Spring through Fall, and throughout the Winter, University Assistant.
      Yup! I work in an office! Who would have thought that I would love it???
      I get a pretty nice-sized office to myself with Grooveshark playing on SPEAKERS(!), I am constantly learning (computers and MORE!).
      My job is pretty much to just help out my boss, which means paperwork, passing on blessedly BREIF phone calls, reading up on classes and info of our university, picking up instructors from the airport, helping out students with questions, and supervising/helping out with classes: Glass mosaics, Nautical skills, and Digital Photography?? Oh no, someone please SAVE me from this awful place- hahah! 😉 I have an awesome boss, I love the work, and it helps that I am usually only there half-day (only there full-time when filling in)

      On top of this, I started taking college courses last year, (now that I have the jobs I enjoy, I am taking college towards classes I enjoy as well!).
      So, although I would NOT recommend my lifestyle to many people, I absolutely LOVE it for me! If I could change it, I would travel more and remove all blood-sucking insects from the face of the planet… and replace them with dragons. But, for other INFPS I would recommend multiple jobs that you thoroughly enjoy, in which you feel like you are making a difference. CNA would be pretty awesome… one of my siblings is pursuing the same thing. Again, depends on what it is that you want.
      You COULD be a CNA and pursue other things as well, if you wished it.

      So, for jobs, I would say purpose, freedom of movement, learning, helping and variety is KEY! For me, incorporating multiple jobs makes it interesting and challenging. Plus, they are all jobs that would let me go for a season should I request it (travel!!!).

      As for advice for weight? I can dish out advice, but I am 80lbs overweight- not good. I LOVE to exercise!!! I wake up to P90X, running, T25 or Zumba dvds, I take walks during my lunch break (or after work when at the Shire), I dance a LOT (cleaning, in my chair while I am eating, when I am happy or angry, in the shower, while I’m driving…), and in the summer I join in live Zumba classes. My problem is self-control and FOOD- namely the AMOUNT that I consume. And probably pasta is not the best way to go about things… Rambling again-sorry.

      General advice: get more active! Moving gives me a sense of control, and puts me in touch with the physical along with the spiritual. More than EVEN chocolate, moving is an awesome mood regulator for me- especially when accompanied by an awesome soundtrack.
      Advice for ME or others like me?:
      Fill up on veggies more so than the other stuff. Don’t get so caught up in a task that you skip meals, and then gorge yourself on Cadbury because you are soooo hungry and haven’t eaten all day! Find other ways to celebrate other than relying on food. Get out there! Go dancing- meaning make SPACE for it! Share flowers or theatre tickets instead of cake. Find exciting things to look forward to, rather than the immediate satisfaction/reward of food. Like checking out that art exhibition, go climbing, surfing, horse back riding, jousting, etc.
      And if you’re tired, take a long bath or get a massage before crashing. Stressed? Grab a drumset, or a pair of pens and turn up The Killers, Foo Fighters, Queen or Muse – you get soothing vocals, and some crazy inspiration as you drum along.
      Alright, I think I am abusing the post section, and just rambling now. I hope this helps some, or at least gives someone the picture of what they want, or really DON’T want. XD Best of luck to you, Lyona!
      And hey, if you have found any weight tips, let me know! I think I already know what to do… I just love food sooooo much, though!

      Thanks, Eomeer


Leave a Comment