I like to think that I’ve overcome a lot of my fears by this point, but I got up to use the bathroom at 4AM and when I turned on the light, I saw an enormous beetle. I thought it was a cockroach first, which made me want to puke. But I looked it up and it was a beetle, which didn’t change anything. I couldn’t move. I could only stare at the little bastard, examining what to do about it.
I had no weapons, no shoes and there was no way I would crush it with toilet paper. The thought of the crunch of such a huge bug, even beneath layers of t.p. creeps me out to the core. I moved toward it and it ran so-fucking-fast and the sound it made as it’s hard shell slammed into objects in the bathroom! “clink, clank” shudder
I just kept picturing and feeling him crunch in my mind. Then I pictured trying to get him on to an empty toilet paper roll and saw him running up my arm. I grabbed a wand for my toilet bowl cleaner and pictured him running up THAT on to my arm.
Finally I went in for the kill and gave him a good whack. He wasn’t moving. I blew on him, still not moving. I’m freaking out at this point because I’m thinking he’s playing games and as soon as I go to get him, he’s going to run up my body and eat my soul. But I persevered and grabbed the empty toilet paper roll to scoop him up. I dumped him in the toilet bowl and he started flapping his little legs. In true INFP fashion, I felt remorse for senselessly beating and being in the pre-flush glory of mercilessly drowning one of god’s beautiful creatures. And then flush. More chills tickle my body.
30 minutes where I could have been sleeping! 30 minutes instead of 2 for any other human with a spine! WTF?!
I hope this account of the true terrors of the tiniest, most harmless things in the world can provide some entertainment this morning and show you that we can really make real fears out of ridiculous things.
Now it’s your turn! What scares the shit out of you and makes you feel like a doe in the headlights?